Is there something bothering you? Is it something that is too difficult or upsetting to talk about? HsS someone let you down,disappointed you by their words or by their actions? Has someone hurt you? Do you find it hard to forgive someone because you are in so much pain? Are you holding on to words that cause you so much pain and discomfort?
What ever the case for your pain and anger has this anger taken over your life? Do you find yourself now impatient, angry, frustrated or just fed up with everyone and everything? Are you irritable and suspicious of others? Do you get upset at the slightest misunderstanding? Have you told yourself “ill never trust that person again?” or no matter what I’ll never let that person back into my life again?” or I’m waiting for that person to hurt me again?
This sounds like you have a lot of pain, sorrow and hurt. And the past is still hurting you, still haunting your dreams and your thoughts and holding you prisoner from living in the present. Your past is holding you prisoner and you are allowing bitterness to grow deep inside of you.
Take a moment to think about the person or persons who hurt you. Do you think they dwelling on this event, this interaction, and this moment where you felt you were wronged? There is probably a good chance that they have forgotten this event and moved on. Not that the event was insignificant but that overtime this inter action has faded from their mind. However, you reminisce, obsess, and turn over this event in your mind again and again and again. You are reliving this event daily in your mind. When you focus on past events, you are reliving the past. You are living in the past and in hour pain. Each moment you focus on what happened, the words, the actions, the feelings you experienced without letting go of the past, your disappointment and your bitterness grows.
Holding on to Negative Emotions
The longer you hold onto your bitterness and disappointment the stronger these negative feelings become. Left unresolved, your bitterness and disappointment can cause you untold sadness. As you hold on to your anger bitterness and disappointment your body will start to feel these negative feelings and you could start feeling depressed, anxious or even physically ill from the tension and stress you carry in your mind and in your body.
These negative feelings will impact your mental health, your physically health, your relationships and friendships. While you may believe you can hide these feelings those around will start to sense your anger bitterness and disappointment. You will discover that this bitterness and disappointment will eat away at you and your happiness.
I’m having a Hard time Letting go
What can you do when you have a hard time releasing your bitterness? To start, remember that you cannot undo the past. What has happened has happened. It is only a memory that lingers in your mind. Take the time to bring the memory of the loss, the pain, the insult the injury to come to into your thoughts. If you allow your negative feelings to crowd out your positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or disappointment.
Holding onto Resentment
Realize you are holding onto resentment. Reliving the painful event or memory means that you feel this pain, this hurt loss, bitterness and disappointment again and again as if the event just happened. As a results of you going over these memories again and again in your mind, you are re-experiencing all those negative emotions and feeling but by not allowing yourself to let go of the past, the past hurt and pain. Acknowledge those feelings. Say “yes I feel hurt, bitter disappointed.” Name the emotions you feeling. Your feelings need to be validated. And be aware that the person who you feel has hurt you does not have to be the one to validate your feelings.
Take the time to be compassionate with yourself. How has this event impacted you and your life? Are there thongs you have missed out on because of holding onto this grudge, your anger and disappointment? Reflect on the facts of the situation. Did the person behave in a deliberate manner to hurt you? As you look back on the event do you truly believe the person meant to hurt you or could there be other explanations to what happened? How you’ve react? And how did your reaction add to your disappointment or bitterness? How has holding onto these negative emotions has impacted your life, health, and emotional well-being?
Have you tried Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment your make to yourself to journey through a process of change. It’s not an easy journey and forgiveness is not necessary a straight line. Allow yourself the space and the time to experience your feelings of disappointment. Now might be the time to release yourself from creating a life of bitterness and resentment. What is the value of forgiveness in your life? What is it like when someone forgives you? Can you image yourself giving up the role of helpless victim in this situation and start to take active steps to release yourself from the pain and heaviness of anger, disappointment, or bitterness? When you are able to let go of your pain you’ll no longer define yourself or life by how you’ve been hurt, let down or disappointed.
Letting go of a grudge is not so easy when the person you feel has hurt you does not admit they were wrong, doesn’t speak of his or her sorrow or doesn’t even know they have hurt you. What can you do when you feel stuck? When you feel you don’t know how to release your pain take the time to reflect about when you have accidentally hurt someone else’s feelings. What happened? Did you deliberately try to hurt someone? Was it a misunderstanding? Where you aware right away that the other person was hurt? Did that person forgive you?
You can also consider the situation from the other person’s point of view. Ask yourself why he or she would behave in this way? Where they deliberately try to hurt you? What do you thing was the motive or reasoning behind their behaviour? How would you have acted in this situation given the same circumstances? And reflect on how you have forgiven others in the past and how you felt afterwards. You may also wish to speak with someone you trust to ask them for their advice and guidance.
Letting go takes Time
Remember letting go of your bitterness, resentment, and disappointment takes time. Some days you will feel better and lighter while other days may be filled with the sorrow taste of your resentment, and disappointment. It’s also important to realize that being disappointment is part of the human experience. It is part of being human and of life. What would it be like if you could accept the fact that you are disappointed without letting your disappointment grow into bitterness and resentment? Can you accept your feelings without blaming or holding other responsible for you sadness and disappointment? What would it be like if you could talk to that other person and tell them about your disappointment without being bitter or resentful? How do you think that person would respond to you? Are the even aware that you feel hurt?
How do I deal with social Situations?
If you haven’t been able to fully forgive and let go for your resentment, and disappointment, being near the person who hurt you might make you feel tense and stressed or anxious. It’s important for you to be aware of how you might feel and to take positive steps to manage your emotions. Make sure you are with someone who is supportive and caring to help you get through these social situations. You may ask this person to check in on you to offer their emotional support to you. If you find being near the person who has hurt you too much it is OK to avoid attending social gatherings.
What if I need to ask for Forgiveness?
And if you know someone is harbouring anger, hurt or bitterness towards you because of some wrongdoing on your part, take the positive step of initiating reconciliation, exploring what went wrong and what has caused them pain. Remember they may not be ready to hear your apology. You may have to listen to their pain and angry. This takes courage and strength to face someone who might be very cross and angry with us.
Letting go of your bitterness, disappointment and resentment is liberating as it frees you from the burden of holding a grudge and the sadness and heavy emotions that accompany it. Emotional and psychological hurts linger in the form of bad memories and thoughts of past hurtful experiences and creates barriers to personal growth, and prevents you from growing closer to others. Remember letting go of your pain can be a slow journey, be gentle with your self and others.