Distressed Couple need connection with each other. What is more strengthening and healing than being understood and emotionally attached to my love? To pull away from each other can send the wrong message– that your partner is unacceptable as he or she is or even I’m unacceptable the way I am. When we withdraw for each other we only cause our partners and ourselves more pain. The distance from each other makes it more difficult to get the reassurance and comfort we need at this time.
It is understandable that distressed couples withdraw from one another. Distress happens when we perceive our partner is not emotionally available to us.This happens when we feel misunderstood or hurt when our partner does not respond to our needs or requests. This does not mean that our partner needs to say yes to everything we want. An example can be when we talk and our partner doesn’t answer our questions or return our phone calls.
How do Distressed Couples Behave?
Distressed couples tend to act in specific ways once they feel their partner is avoiding them or not responding to them. When you feel your partner is ignoring you, distressed couples tend to increase behaviours that they believe will lead to comfort and connection with their partner. Unfortunately in distressed couples, these behaviours are sometimes expressed as anger, pursuing behaviours, neediness, or the need for constant reassurance.
It takes courage and brave heart to be able to turn to our partners or those who have hurt us and express our pain and hurt. Especially when we are distressed. After all at this moment of vulnerability we don’t know if they will respond with words of kindness, compassion or understanding. So many distressed couples tend to move emotionally away from each other and withdraw from the relationship in order to protect themselves.
Distressed Couples Seek Marriage Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy is a way to help guide distressed couples to reconnect with their partner. We all have deep longing and the need to be cherished and connected with each other. An emotional available and positively responsive partner helps to build secure bonds between a couple. When we learn how to hear our partners talk about their pain, we can listen to their pain without becoming defensive. We can learn to listen and learn something new about our partners and see them differently. Through marriage therapy in Ottawa distressed couples can learn their partner is not trying to cause more hurt or pain. Ottawa marriage therapists can help you see your partner as someone who has their own pain and is trying to protect themselves from hurt by withdrawing from the relationship. But the reality is distressed couples need to turn towards each other in order to heal and strengthen their marriage and their relationship. Emotionally Focused Therapy can teach you how to “reach” for each other when you are in pain.