Helping Kids and Teens Thrive Through Holiday Transitions in Ottawa

Summary:
Learn how to make holiday transitions easier for kids and teens moving between two homes in Ottawa, with practical therapist tips on planning schedules, creating calmer hand-offs, validating big feelings, and knowing when counselling can help. 

Key Highlights 

• Plan holiday schedules early so kids and teens aren’t left anxious about where they’ll be and when. 

• Use visual calendars and shared apps to make transitions predictable for children and manageable for co-parents. 

• Create simple transition rituals (like quiet time, a walk, or a calm activity) instead of rushed, stressful drop-offs. 

• Avoid splitting major holidays in half—offer full, separate celebrations so kids can actually enjoy their time in each home. 

• Build your own family traditions in each household so children have something to look forward to, instead of feeling like they’re always missing out. 

• Validate mixed emotions, especially for teens, by normalizing “both/and” feelings—excitement and sadness can coexist. 

• Consider child or teen counselling if holiday transitions are triggering ongoing anxiety, behaviour changes, or emotional overwhelm. 

The holiday season can be a wonderful time of year, with exciting events, vacation time, and spending time with extended family. But for children and teens in divorced families, it often comes with a layer of complexity and stress. The constant back-and-forth between two homes during Christmas, Hanukkah, and winter break can feel more like a forced march than a joyful transition. 

If you are a parent in the Ottawa-area navigating co-parenting during the holiday season, prioritizing your child’s emotional well-being is the greatest gift you can give. If you’re also wondering how to support your child through separation beyond the holidays, you may find our blog on how to make divorce easier for your child helpful.  

As child and family therapists, we understand the unique pressure that transitions place on young minds, especially during the time of year full of excitement and additional emphasis on family time. 

Here is your guide to making the holiday schedule smoother for your children, focusing on emotional predictability and stability. 

The unknown is the greatest source of anxiety in children and teens. Waiting until the last minute in December to finalize the holiday schedule puts unnecessary stress on everyone, especially your child who may feel caught in the middle and torn between wanting to spend time with both parents. 

If your child tends to worry a lot about changes or “what’s coming next,” our blog on child anxiety and how to help offers more ideas for supporting them. 

• Co-Parenting Communication: Work with your co-parent to finalize the schedule before the end of November or even earlier. Use a shared digital calendar or a co-parenting app to ensure clarity. Take the time to think how many holiday parties or dinners you want your children to attend. Is your relationship amicable enough with your ex for you to share some holiday time together? Can the two of you sit together for your child’s school play or activities? 

• Visualizing the Transition: For younger kids, use a visual calendar (like a printed paper or whiteboard) to map out exactly which days they spend at Mom’s home and which days are at Dad’s home. Seeing the schedule helps kids feel secure and knowledgeable. Try to stick to the usual routine as much as possible as too much back and forth is exhausting for your children. 

• Involve Teens (Within Limits): Teens in divorced families often have their own social plans, not to mention work schedules. Include them in the discussion about specific days, school breaks, and travel plans to foster respect and cooperation, but ultimately, parents set the final structure. 

The hand-off point is often the tensest moment for children, particularly if parents are still in a high-conflict situation. A smooth transition ritual helps the child “shift gears” emotionally. 

• Focus on your Child: The moment of exchange should be brief and focused entirely on your child. This is NOT the time to discuss grievances with one another. Mentally prepare yourself and visualize yourself being calm and polite prior to going to pick up your child. Take a few deep breaths before getting ready to pick up or drop off your children. Remember you set the emotional tone and your children will feed off of your anxiety or anger. Minimize parental interaction at this point to reduce any visible tension or conflict.  

If you notice your own tension rising at this time of year, you may also want to explore our blog on reducing holiday stress as a parent for practical strategies. 

• The 20-Minute Re-Entry: When your child or teen arrives at your home, create a relaxing, predictable ritual. This isn’t the time to immediately bombard them with questions or dive into holiday activities. Children need transition time. It’s hard for them to leave their other parent, not feel overwhelmed, and be ready to engage in a meaningful way with you. 

• Younger Kids: A quiet activity like reading a book, working on a simple puzzle,  drawing at the kitchen table or even some quiet cuddle time. 

• Teens: Giving them 20-30 minutes of quiet, device-free time in their room to decompress and process the switch before starting family activities. 

• Ottawa Context: If the drop-off and pick up points involve a long drive across the city (e.g., Kanata to Orleans), plan a neutral, child-friendly stop near your home (like a coffee shop or a walk in a local park) as a transition activity before heading off to the next family event. Remember you are trying to connect with your children in a meaningful way and not just chauffeur them to the next event on your or their calendar.  

Trying to split Christmas Day or another major holiday in half often results in a stressful, overwhelming, and rushed experience for your children. It’s hard to imagine a child being able to open presents at one home and then leave their new toys behind to head off to the next holiday celebration. Instead, focus on creating separate, meaningful celebrations. 

• The “Second Christmas”: Celebrate the holiday before or after the official date. This gives your child a chance to have a relaxed, full celebration with each parent. 

• New Traditions: Focus on establishing new traditions unique to your home. This helps the child look forward to what your family offers, rather than mourning the loss of old traditions. For example: A specific “Christmas Eve ” movie night, a Hanukkah latke or sufganiyot baking tradition, maybe skating on the canal or going tobogganing and hot chocolate outing, or a specific New Year’s Day breakfast or fondu meal. Remember you can create your own special family traditions that you and your children will cherish as they grow up. 

• Speak with your parents and family: one of the biggest challenges you may face can be your own family making you feel guilty because your children are not present for this special day. It is up to you to tell you parents what your holiday plans are and welcome your family to join you on your day to celebrate the holidays with your children.  

It is normal for children with divorced parents to feel conflicting emotions: excitement about new gifts, but sadness about missing the other parent. For some children and teens, these feelings can also connect to grief about how holidays “used to be,” and our blog on coping with loss and grief over the holiday season can offer extra support.  

Teens may feel immense loyalty pressure especially if they are aware that one parent will not see them on the official holiday. 

• Use “Both/And” Language: Encourage them to express the complexity of their feelings: “It’s okay to be excited about the ski trip with Dad AND sad that you will miss our usual cookie baking weekend.” 

• Listen Without “Fixing”: When your child is sad or upset about a transition or a change avoid trying to fix the feeling. Simply validate their experience and their emotions: “That sounds hard. It’s okay to feel disappointed that you can’t be in both places at once.”  One of your responsibilities as a parent is teaching your child how to manage disappointment and all of their emotions. 

• Therapeutic Support: If your child is struggling with persistent sadness, anger, or has difficulty articulating their feelings  child or teen counselling services offer a neutral, confidential space where your child or teen can learn how to talk about their feelings. A child and teen therapist can help them process the grief, loss, anxiety, or stress associated with their parents’ separation without feeling disloyal to either parent. 

If the co-parenting holiday schedule is creating significant child anxiety or behaviour challenges in your home, professional support can make a difference. Our Ottawa-based counselling practice offers specialized child and family therapy to help kids and teens develop strong coping mechanisms and resilience during transitions. 

Book a consultation today with one of our child or teen therapists to give your child the gift of emotional well-being. 

Serving the Ottawa Area: Contact us about our in-person or virtual sessions.