Do you constantly feel like what you do is never quite enough, no matter how much you achieve? Do you find yourself overthinking every detail, fearing failure, or setting impossibly high expectations for yourself? If you’re caught in a cycle of self-criticism and burnout, you might be struggling with perfectionism—a deeply ingrained pattern that many adults carry silently. At Family Therapy, Leah Krisak, RP, works with clients across Ontario to understand how perfectionism forms, why it persists, and how to begin softening its grip. Therapy offers a space to move from constant striving into something far more powerful—self-acceptance and emotional freedom.
The Truth About Perfectionism: It’s Not Just About High Standards
Perfectionism is often mistaken for a drive to succeed. It’s praised in workplaces and romanticized in productivity culture. But beneath the polished surface, perfectionism often hides something much deeper: a fear of failure, rejection, or not being enough. It’s not a personality quirk. It’s a coping strategy—a way to feel safe, in control, or worthy in environments where love, acceptance, or emotional security may have once felt uncertain. And frankly perfectionism is exhausting!
The Hidden Costs of Perfectionism
While perfectionism may seem like a source of motivation, it can quietly erode your mental health, relationships, and self-esteem. It often contributes to:
- Chronic anxiety and racing thoughts
- Procrastination or paralysis from fear of not doing it “right”
- Burnout and exhaustion from never feeling done
- Difficulty making decisions, due to fear of choosing “wrong”
- Low self-worth, masked by external accomplishments
- Strained relationships, from unrealistic expectations or avoidance of vulnerability
Over time, the pursuit of “perfect” can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself—unable to rest, celebrate your wins, or feel fully at peace.
Signs You May Be Struggling with Perfectionism
- You set unrealistically high standards and feel crushed when you don’t meet them
- You’re extremely self-critical, even for small mistakes
- You procrastinate because you’re afraid of doing something imperfectly
- You feel like your worth depends on productivity, success, or appearance
- You rarely feel proud of yourself, even when others praise you
- You avoid taking risks or starting new things unless you’re sure you’ll excel
- You struggle to ask for help or show vulnerability
If any of these resonate, know that you are far from alone—and there is a way forward.
Where Does Perfectionism Come From?
Perfectionism is often rooted in early experiences—childhood dynamics, family expectations, school environments, or cultural pressures where approval felt conditional. You may have learned that achievement brought love. That mistakes meant shame. That showing your true self was risky.
In therapy, we create a safe space to gently explore these early messages and experiences—not to place blame, but to bring understanding. Once we begin to see where perfectionism came from, we can start making different choices that support healing and self-connection.
How Therapy Can Help You Let Go of Perfectionism
In your individual therapy sessions, we work together to:
- Unpack the emotional roots of your perfectionism
- Recognize the inner critic and begin to soften its voice
- Explore how your nervous system responds to pressure, fear, and control
- Learn practical tools for managing anxiety, overwhelm, and self-doubt
- Build a relationship with yourself based on compassion, not performance
- Reconnect with your values and sense of purpose—beyond perfection
Leah uses a relational and trauma-informed approach, which means we work at your pace, with safety and connection as the foundation. This isn’t about “fixing” you. It’s about creating space to heal, grow, and learn to accept all parts of yourself—especially the ones that feel the most judged or hidden.
Reach out to Leah today. She is just a phone call away or use our form to reach out to her by email.
